I JUST WANT TO PEE!

I understand that it is a crude title, but I'm dealing with crude issues.  It's not that I'm incapable of urinating, it is that there are cockroaches in the toilet.  Let me elaborate, shall I?

Roaches are slightly larger on the islands. Okay, they are WAY bigger.  I've dealt with them during my years.  However, the roaches in the spare room of the parsonage are...hmmmm....intense.

My friend Ashley who is staying with me is terribly scared of the roach.  I kill them. I dispose of them.  I make sure all is safe.  She read they don't like light, so we keep the bathroom light on all night now.  She is super freaked out by them.  (I'm not too exited when they land on me...not going to lie.)  So, last summer when she comes out to the porch where I sat after her shower and says, "Laura, we have roaches in the bathroom," I wasn't too concerned since it was Ashley making the statement. I just figured I needed to do a little murdering and all would be good.  When I walked in the room, roaches were coming out of everything...toilet...under the toilet...shower drain..sink...the walls...it was like a horror film. Thousands of roaches were invading my bedroom.  (This is NOT an exaggeration.)  I run in the house to scream major roach problem to the pastor and his wife so they could help me murder. I was not going to be able to do this on my own. By the time I got out of the house onto the carport, they were exiting every crevice out there.  We had been invaded. (For a moment, I thought back to the scene in Men in Black and wondered if perhaps this could be an alien invasion.)  After LOTS of stomping, spraying, blasting with a water hose, calling the septic tank drainers, and more stomping and spraying (and screaming) we had killed most of the roaches.  Half the room had been dragged into the yard...our luggage was scattered everywhere...our bed sheets stripped...this was very intense. 

Tonight, I walk into the restroom and there was a roach.  I flushed him because he deserved to die.  A minute later...another roach.  I look in the shower--a roach. The sink--a roach. I have been killing roaches for almost an hour. I flush, another returns.  I sprayed the exterior of the bathroom and just now I walked in and there are about 20 dead in the floor. I can see one crawling on the ceiling.  (I have just reported it to Pastor Rex...he will call the septic people in the morning.) I'm currently staring in my own horror film.  And I don't like scarey movies!

(I can't really give you a great visual. I just counted 23 dead ones on the floor of the restroom. Some are very small. This doesn't count the 5 million I have flushed or swept up.) 


Maybe I'll walk over to the church to pee.